brightblackdaylight:

As feminists, we tend to think a lot about male privilege (stuff like the fact that men are more likely to be bosses and CEOs and less likely to get raped), but not very much about female privilege. I stumbled across this, a list of female privileges:

As a woman …

1. I have a much lower chance of being murdered than a man.
2. I have a much lower chance of being driven to successfully commit suicide than a man.
3. I have a lower chance of being a victim of a violent assault than a man.
4. I have probably been taught that it is acceptable to cry.
5. I will probably live longer than the average man.
6. Most people in society probably will not see my overall worthiness as a person being exclusively tied to how high up in the hierarchy I rise.
7. I have a much better chance of being considered to be a worthy mate for someone, even if I’m unemployed with little money, than a man.
8. I am given much greater latitude to form close, intimate friendships than a man is.
9. My chance of suffering a work-related injury or illness is significantly lower than a man’s.
10. My chance of being killed on the job is a tiny fraction of a man’s.
11. If I shy away from fights, it is unlikely that this will damage my standing in my peer group or call into question my worthiness as a sex partner.
12. I am not generally expected to be capable of violence. If I lack this capacity, this will generally not be seen as a damning personal deficiency.
13. If I was born in North America since WWII, I can be almost certain that my genitals were not mutilated soon after birth, without anesthesia.
14. If I attempt to hug a friend in joy, it’s much less likely that my friend will wonder about my sexuality or pull away in unease.
15. If I seek a hug in solace from a close friend, I’ll have much less concern about how my friend will interpret the gesture or whether my worthiness as a member of my gender will be called into question.
16. I generally am not compelled by the rules of my sex to wear emotional armor in interactions with most people.
17. I am frequently the emotional center of my family.
18. I am allowed to wear clothes that signify ‘vulnerability’, ‘playful openness’, and ’softness’.
19. I am allowed to BE vulnerable, playful, and soft without calling my worthiness as a human being into question.
20. If I interact with other people’s children — particularly people I don’t know very well — I do not have to worry much about the interaction being misinterpreted.
21. If I have trouble accommodating to some aspects of gender demands, I have a much greater chance than a man does of having a sympathetic audience to discuss the unreasonableness of the demand, and a much lower chance that this failure to accommodate will be seen as signifying my fundamental inadequacy as a member of my gender.
22. I am less likely to be shamed for being sexually inactive than a man.
23. From my late teens through menopause, for most levels of sexual attractiveness, it is easier for me to find a sex partner at my attractiveness level than it is for a man.
24. My role in my child’s life is generally seen as more important than the child’s father’s role.

http://www.feministcritics.org/blog/2008/06/08/female-privilege/

What do you guys think? Are these valid? Which ones are not valid? I don’t know much about the statistical claims, but I would certainly agree with points like 4, it is much more socially acceptable for me to cry than a man, or generally display emotions other than anger or desire. 

Thoughts?

Have I completely responded to these “privileges” before? If not, this is as good a time as any. 

As a woman …

1. I have a much lower chance of being murdered than a man.

But a much higher chance of being murdered by an intimate partner, making you not safe in your own home. Also, the majority of murderers are men. 

2. I have a much lower chance of being driven to successfully commit suicide than a man.

This is disingenuous. Men aren’t being driven to suicide more successfully, they actually just happen to be more successful when they attempt. This sentence makes it seem as though more men are driven to suicide, when in fact more women attempt. The fact that men are more successful is generally attributed to the fact that they employ more effective methods, such as the use of guns or other weapons. Now, you may be able to say that the socialization that leads to men using these methods is a problem, and that I’d agree with. But let’s not pretend as though men are offin’ themselves right and left because of some matriarchy or something.

3. I have a lower chance of being a victim of a violent assault than a man.

Is sexual assault included in this? By conservative estimates, at least 1 out of every 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Also, women are still more often victimized by someone they know, making them less safe in their personal lives, and men are more likely to be victimized by strangers (again, mostly men).

4. I have probably been taught that it is acceptable to cry.

Sure. But what social power does crying get us? Hillary Clinton was accused of crying during her campaign trail and it was a big fuckin’ deal. It showed she couldn’t handle the big time political arena, according to lots of folks. So female willingness to show emotion still keeps them out of arenas of power, even if it is considered “ok” in other settings. Besides, feminists are the ones who continuously say that it is ok for men to learn emotional language and expression, so MRAs holding this up as some kind of “privilege” or “checkmate, feminists” is counter-intuitive.

5. I will probably live longer than the average man.

Um, ok. Is the implied argument here because women’s health is taken care of so much better than men’s? Because um, need I bring up the fact that original research on heart disease was done only on men? And now it’s come to light that women’s heart disease can manifest differently? Oh, and that said heart disease is the number one killer of women?

6. Most people in society probably will not see my overall worthiness as a person being exclusively tied to how high up in the hierarchy I rise.

Wait, so no greatness is expected of women, and this is a privilege?

7. I have a much better chance of being considered to be a worthy mate for someone, even if I’m unemployed with little money, than a man.

Because women’s labor is mostly unpaid and has been historically. Essentially the value in the match is that the man is getting a free maid, baby machine, sex partner, cook, etc. Or perhaps the woman is particularly adherent to social beauty standards, and therein lies the value (i.e. a trophy wife, which, to maintain that standard of beauty actually take quite a bit of work). 

8. I am given much greater latitude to form close, intimate friendships than a man is.

How are we talking here? I mean, there are plenty of famous friendships that men have had throughout the ages. I mean, sure, maybe guys are socialized into minimal physical contact and not using emotional language, etc. but that doesn’t mean that men are encouraged not to have friends.

9. My chance of suffering a work-related injury or illness is significantly lower than a man’s.

This and the next are just about the only one on this list that has any sort of validity. Although, this is more of a class issue than a gender issue. It just so happens that women in general are not valued for their physical labor (in the sense of lifting heavy things, construction work, etc.) and as such are not considered worthy of these (higher paying) jobs.  But the danger comes from those who are higher above the menial workers in these positions not adhering to safety requirements or trying to make sure those safety requirements don’t exist in the first place. 

10. My chance of being killed on the job is a tiny fraction of a man’s.

11. If I shy away from fights, it is unlikely that this will damage my standing in my peer group or call into question my worthiness as a sex partner.

So, men can’t show feminine qualities because of what other men will think (largely, since this is what status is generally determined by). Why is this a female privilege again?

12. I am not generally expected to be capable of violence. If I lack this capacity, this will generally not be seen as a damning personal deficiency.

Um, what? Maybe not “damning”, but it’s certainly seen as a deficiency. Women are not strong because they are seen as not violent. Women cannot fight. Women cannot defend themselves. Women are helpless. This attitude has historically kept women in places of subservience, not only because it is common social attitude but because it is internalized. So, even if women break from that, they’re told they cannot. This is patriarchal gender roles at work, and it’s something feminists are trying to break from.

13. If I was born in North America since WWII, I can be almost certain that my genitals were not mutilated soon after birth, without anesthesia.

And women grow up hating everything else about their bodies. Oh, and they also end up getting plastic surgery on their genitals. So baby boys are mutilated before they really know what’s going on. Women are made to be complicit in what can be considered their own mutilation, and they pay for the privilege. 

I’m not saying that women getting plastic surgery is always a mutilation. But what I think is a mutilation is the distorted bodily images that are thrown at women every day with little to no deviation. If we had more deviation and women still chose plastic surgery, that would be much better.

14. If I attempt to hug a friend in joy, it’s much less likely that my friend will wonder about my sexuality or pull away in unease.

Heterosexism issues. This also happens with women, depending on the person.

15. If I seek a hug in solace from a close friend, I’ll have much less concern about how my friend will interpret the gesture or whether my worthiness as a member of my gender will be called into question.

Heterosexism, again.

16. I generally am not compelled by the rules of my sex to wear emotional armor in interactions with most people.

Oh you know, only if you want to be taken seriously in political or business arenas.

17. I am frequently the emotional center of my family.

But not the power figure.

18. I am allowed to wear clothes that signify ‘vulnerability’, ‘playful openness’, and ’softness’.

And then if you do, you get blamed for any sexual advance or assault that anyone chooses to commit.

19. I am allowed to BE vulnerable, playful, and soft without calling my worthiness as a human being into question.

You know, I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to notice, but essentially every time this list says that the man’s “worthiness as a human being” is called into question, what they’re really saying is that the man will be called a “sissy” or will be likened to a woman. I think that’s telling on a “female privilege checklist”.

20. If I interact with other people’s children — particularly people I don’t know very well — I do not have to worry much about the interaction being misinterpreted.

Mostly because men aren’t expected to know about children, want anything to do with children, etc. This is why they’re much more accepted into the public sphere. There’s very little social power that comes with interacting with children, mostly because children are by and large undervalued despite what a lot of the hoopla regarding kids in our society might imply.

21. If I have trouble accommodating to some aspects of gender demands, I have a much greater chance than a man does of having a sympathetic audience to discuss the unreasonableness of the demand, and a much lower chance that this failure to accommodate will be seen as signifying my fundamental inadequacy as a member of my gender.

Mostly because patriarchy and male privilege relies on complicity among men. That’s also why there’s such heavy policing of gender roles.

22. I am less likely to be shamed for being sexually inactive than a man.

No, in fact a woman’s entire value is placed on her sexuality, and she is lauded for remaining “pure” and shamed for making conscious sexual choices. Golly, what a privilege. I’m so sorry someone likens a man to a woman if he chooses not to have sex. Poor, poor men.

23. From my late teens through menopause, for most levels of sexual attractiveness, it is easier for me to find a sex partner at my attractiveness level than it is for a man.

“At my attractiveness level”? Let me get this straight, dudes don’t get access to the gals they think are hottest, and they think women do, so this is a female privilege? I also like how they don’t take into account the work that women have to put into beauty ideals in order to attract those men.

24. My role in my child’s life is generally seen as more important than the child’s father’s role.

This is not true. There are very few people bemoaning the lack of mothers in the lives of children, or few people examining what the lack of motherhood does to children. Oh wait, could that be because men more often don’t partake in parenting and thus leave it up to the mother? Again, what a privilege!

Ok. So there’s a debunking of the “female privilege checklist”. Merry Christmas folks. 

When they complain about feminists who are women who give them shit and even call them misogynists, I just have to wonder what the hell they’re in it for.

So, you were hurt that you got called a misogynist when you disagreed with a feminist, right? You think you’ve mustered up enough ally cookies to be able to trade them in and not get that title? Is that it?

It doesn’t work that way. The same way that other feminists get called out on their privileges (white, able-bodied, cis, middle or upper class, etc. etc.), dudes get called on their male privilege. And if you’re wielding it in a discussion? Someone might call you a misogynist! It might hurt your feelings, and it often does when people get reminded that they have privileges over certain people, but it is not the responsibility of other feminists - especially feminists who are women - to make sure your feelings aren’t hurt in order for you to continue in the movement. If you think feminism is right you fucking think feminism is right whether people are fucking nice to you there or not. 

There have been numerous times where I have been a really assholish white person, even unintentionally, and a non-white person has pointed it out to me and even said I was being racist! Me? Racist? Never, right? I mean I’m white and I consider myself to be anti-racist! So I could never actually be racist, could I?

Yeah, it can fucking happen, because I didn’t check my white privilege. I didn’t ask them if I could trade my cookies for a get out of racism free card this time. Why? Because it doesn’t fucking work that way.

Now, you might disagree that you weren’t checking your male privilege. That’s fine. Have it out. But it’s not that feminist’s responsibility to agree with you or to not consider you a misogynist should she remain unconvinced. 

Feminism is not about making sure men feel comfortable there at all times. Generally, you have the rest of the world for that. 

So, you know, sometimes feminism isn’t pleasant for the folks who have certain privileges within it. That includes dudes. It is not feminism’s job to make you feel comfortable and it’s not the job of individual feminists to make you feel comfortable. It is an all the time struggle to rid yourself and the world of the isms that plague it, and having a certain amount of ally cookies in the bank won’t buy you a way out of the accountability you have to have every minute of every day - especially the minutes that you spend discussing feminist issues with other feminists. 

The thing that I think is most important and most difficult within feminism is forcing yourself to deal with other people’s anger - even if you don’t agree that they should be angry. It’s probably not about you, and in fact, it’s probably something that you said or did that said marginalized person has encountered a lot and seeing it in someone that says they are a feminist or a feminist ally just pushed them over the edge. So take a listen at the very least. It might hurt your feelings, but at least entertain the notion that maybe you hurt that person’s feelings with whatever it was your said.

So, to male feminists in particular, but also feminists of any particular privilege (myself included, this is also a reminder for me), please don’t write woe is me posts about how marginalized people are being super mean to you and you just aren’t going to take it anymore. It might hurt you to be called a misogynist after you acted like a decent human being and told some other guy not to call women bitches and sluts - but keep one thing in mind. It’s the women that called you out that get called bitches, sluts, hos, cunts, etc. etc. if they called you a misogynist because of something you said - something you can argue against, something that isn’t levied against you simply because of your gender - you’re still doing pretty good comparatively.

So, I understand people having beef with feminism because feminists are marginalizing them further or not actively trying to eradicate their marginalization - like in the instance of trans* folks and non-Western feminists or even feminists with disabilities. But folks that have beef with feminism because those same marginalized people haven’t behaved themselves in their presence all the time? Yeah, no sympathy. 

…when folks say something like “When you say other people have privilege, you’re underestimating minorities/marginalized people!”, I just have to say one thing: just because someone has a head start doesn’t mean you can’t win the race. But by the same token, your victory doesn’t make their head start any more just or fair. 

Just because I recognize that people are a few steps ahead of me doesn’t mean I’m not going to quicken my pace. However, it’s not wrong to point out that I shouldn’t have to be walking faster just to get to someone else’s starting point.

Privilege isn’t always about where we end up, but it is definitely about where we begin.