Taking a stand against patriarchy is much easier if you’re well-educated, have a stable income, and live in a community where you could theoretically find an educated, employed man to marry. For poor, uneducated women, especially those who have kids, the question of whether to get married looks a lot different: It’s the choice between raising children on one or two incomes, between having someone to help with household chores and child-rearing alone while working multiple jobs.
And that’s the big difference: For a poor woman, deciding whether to get married or not will be a big part of shaping her economic future. For a wealthier woman, deciding whether to get married is a choice about independence, lifestyle, and, at times, “fighting the patriarchy.” There’s a cognitive dissonance in Ehrenreich’s straight-up dismissal of the economic benefits of marriage, because the statistics tell an awkward truth: Financially, married women tend to fare much better than unmarried women.—
Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, but Poor Women Can’t by Emma Green, The Atlantic (http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/01/wealthy-women-can-afford-to-reject-marriage-but-poor-women-cant/283097/)
Which is why if you’re a feminist who doesn’t pay attention to issues of class but wants to wax poetic about marriage being a product of patriarchy (it is, and so is womens’ dependence on it, but that ain’t gonna quit without eliminating poverty/capitalism) you can go away.
You’re not a sex positive feminist, if you purposely ignore the testimony of pornstars and prostitutes (i.e: sex workers) when their accounts of being exploited, abused and raped don’t fit your agenda.
THE REASON WOMEN DIDNT PAY FOR THEIR MEALS WAS BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T ALLOWED TO HAVE BANK ACCOUNTS AND WHEN WOMEN EARN THE SAME AS MEN THIS FORM OF “CHIVALRY” WILL MOST LIKELY END AS MANY COUPLES ALREADY SPLIT THE BILL OKAY CAN PEOPLE STOP USING THIS IN A DISCUSSION OF EQUALITY AND IM SORRY FOR CAPS LOCKS I WANTED TO STOP BUT IT WAS TOO LATE
What I Mean When I Say I’m Sex Negative
- that sex positive feminism has little room for survivors of assault
- that sex positive feminism has little interest in helping people who don’t want their sex-life to be a coping mechanism from trauma
- that sex positive feminism prioritizes individual pleasure over critical thinking skills
- that sex positive feminism should be critiqued!
- that not all “kinks” are okay
- that people are allowed to not be interested in hearing about your sex life
- that people are allowed to not enjoy sex
- that people are allowed to be scared of sex
- that no one needs to have or enjoy sex to prove how empowered they are
What I Don’t Mean
- I’m going to yell at individual adults who have consensual sex.
- I’m anti-sex
- I’m anti-kink
- I’m against coping mechanisms and survival
To add a few of my own as a sex negative sex worker:
- that sex positive feminism tends to glorify sex work and in doing so silences sex workers when we speak out about the problems with sex work that sex posi feminists don’t talk about
- sex posi feminism perpetuates seemingly good stereotypes about sex work but ends up harming sex workers
- sex posi feminism prioritizes aspects of sex work that are supposed to be the “better” parts of it without understanding outside oppressive forces (see: having orgasms at work is great!)
- sex posi feminism tends to ignore outside oppressive forces in general like racism, transphobia, classism, etc.
Wow! This is really interesting! I’ve always considered myself “sex positive” but can’t help but feel turned off by many aspects of the “sex positive movement,” and this summarized a lot of my discomforts very well.
I agree with everything here and more. Sex posi feminists also tend to have really ignorant conceptions about asexuality and think that it’s inherently slut-shaming. So that’s some ugh.
But I dislike the term “sex negative” because of its implications. I know what you don’t mean by it, obviously, but I think a better term must be out there somewhere. I just can’t think of one at the moment.
Bethy Squires, Ask the Advice Witch (via baby-cunt)
I can actually confirm this as I’ve had hairy pits for…2 years now? I think?
Anyway, when all you have to do is raise an arm to find out if someone is bullshit it’s just so convenient.
"Feminists fuck better." Please stop. Men still hate you. "Watch me smash patriarchy while reverse cow-girlin’ you." He still thinks you’re a bitch. "I only fuck feminists." Thanks for letting me know nothing’s really changed. "Feminists can be sexy and cute!" I don’t care for mollifying feminism; you’re only trying to make it palpable for men. "Some porn stars are empowered by porn!" Individual empowerment doesn’t speak for macro-social repercussions of the very same industry; the majority of actresses in pornography go through shootings with the help of alcohol and drugs in order to numb the physical and mental abuse they suffer. Much of your individualistic understanding of empowerment and agency is very much complicit with patriarchal violence. So.