So I’m procrastinating by reading an article some dude wrote about attending a porn lecture by Robert Jensen on The Good Men Project (NEVER ENOUGH SIDE-EYE FOR THIS ENTIRE WEBSITE). After complaining about the lecturer’s personal anecdote of men walking out of his lectures when he declares he won’t actually be showing any pornography while the women in the audience seem relieved, the author actually says “After a brief disclaimer about why a man is talking about feminism, explaining that he’s using a feminist critique rather than a religious critique (an especially useful distinction to make at a Catholic university), and situating himself in the lineage of Dworkin and Dines, Jensen further built cohesion among the women at the cost of the men’s safety.”

The men’s safety. 

The men’s safety. 

What the fucking fuck is it with men? Why do words hurt them so much? Women, who are subjected to acts of violence and hatred within pornography on the regular aren’t going to be forced to look at images of those acts and that somehow make men less safe? 

What is going to happen to them?

Is someone going to harm them? Jiz on their face? Disembody them? Shove a dick in their ass? Rape them? Objectify them? Punch them? Slap them? Spit on them? Hit them with their genitals? Call them a bitch, a slut, a whore, a cunt? Call them any gender-based epithet? 

Oh wait. Don’t worry. The fear is described later. The lecturer asked men to stand up and explain what the last pornography that they masturbated to was like. When there were no volunteers, the lecturer stated that was the point. The author of the article took issue with that. Here’s why:

“As an educator, I can see how an exercise like this might be really useful, if enough safety has been built into a class. But this was a lecture, without any ground rules, expectations of confidentiality, or anything else that skilled teachers often do when exploring challenging topics. There also wasn’t any information given to the women about how to respond—were they going to tut tut us? Shame us? Laugh at us?”

There’s a Margaret Atwood quote for this. It has to do with men’s greatest fear being that women will laugh at them while women’s greatest fear is men committing physical violence against us. 

Sound familiar, douchecanoe article author? 

I would really hate it if women laughed at or shamed men for watching and wanking off to what often amounts to sexualized misogyny. 

Men have a right to feel safe and secure in their pornography use, tho, right? It’s part of the code of society that men get to use women and images of them in any way they see fit, so why would you make that an unsafe space for men? Mean old feminism, taking away all of men’s entitlements and shit.

Also, apparently pointing out that men masturbate to porn is “demonizing” them. 

Oh. my. god.

Really. What is this. Why is this one a website called “The Good Men Project” there is nothing good about this. This is why women don’t want dudes calling themselves feminists. Because they call themselves feminists and then they think they have carte blanche to start policing the movement and the women, lecturers, and ideas within it and feminism is not a men’s movement even if it benefits them in the end.

They start claiming women’s space as space that they need to feel safe in. Sorry dude, but you have the rest of society for that. You have your pornography for that.

Come into one of the plastic pussies they sell in porn shops if you need to feel safe. Don’t fucking come into my feminism. 

Note: No, I sure didn’t read the rest of the article. I just fucking couldn’t. I just had to write out this rant and post it on here, especially since I’ve been getting so many asshole anons in my askbox asking about why women don’t want men to be included in feminism or to call themselves feminists. Here’s your fucking answer. 

brightblackdaylight:

As feminists, we tend to think a lot about male privilege (stuff like the fact that men are more likely to be bosses and CEOs and less likely to get raped), but not very much about female privilege. I stumbled across this, a list of female privileges:

As a woman …

1. I have a much lower chance of being murdered than a man.
2. I have a much lower chance of being driven to successfully commit suicide than a man.
3. I have a lower chance of being a victim of a violent assault than a man.
4. I have probably been taught that it is acceptable to cry.
5. I will probably live longer than the average man.
6. Most people in society probably will not see my overall worthiness as a person being exclusively tied to how high up in the hierarchy I rise.
7. I have a much better chance of being considered to be a worthy mate for someone, even if I’m unemployed with little money, than a man.
8. I am given much greater latitude to form close, intimate friendships than a man is.
9. My chance of suffering a work-related injury or illness is significantly lower than a man’s.
10. My chance of being killed on the job is a tiny fraction of a man’s.
11. If I shy away from fights, it is unlikely that this will damage my standing in my peer group or call into question my worthiness as a sex partner.
12. I am not generally expected to be capable of violence. If I lack this capacity, this will generally not be seen as a damning personal deficiency.
13. If I was born in North America since WWII, I can be almost certain that my genitals were not mutilated soon after birth, without anesthesia.
14. If I attempt to hug a friend in joy, it’s much less likely that my friend will wonder about my sexuality or pull away in unease.
15. If I seek a hug in solace from a close friend, I’ll have much less concern about how my friend will interpret the gesture or whether my worthiness as a member of my gender will be called into question.
16. I generally am not compelled by the rules of my sex to wear emotional armor in interactions with most people.
17. I am frequently the emotional center of my family.
18. I am allowed to wear clothes that signify ‘vulnerability’, ‘playful openness’, and ’softness’.
19. I am allowed to BE vulnerable, playful, and soft without calling my worthiness as a human being into question.
20. If I interact with other people’s children — particularly people I don’t know very well — I do not have to worry much about the interaction being misinterpreted.
21. If I have trouble accommodating to some aspects of gender demands, I have a much greater chance than a man does of having a sympathetic audience to discuss the unreasonableness of the demand, and a much lower chance that this failure to accommodate will be seen as signifying my fundamental inadequacy as a member of my gender.
22. I am less likely to be shamed for being sexually inactive than a man.
23. From my late teens through menopause, for most levels of sexual attractiveness, it is easier for me to find a sex partner at my attractiveness level than it is for a man.
24. My role in my child’s life is generally seen as more important than the child’s father’s role.

http://www.feministcritics.org/blog/2008/06/08/female-privilege/

What do you guys think? Are these valid? Which ones are not valid? I don’t know much about the statistical claims, but I would certainly agree with points like 4, it is much more socially acceptable for me to cry than a man, or generally display emotions other than anger or desire. 

Thoughts?

Have I completely responded to these “privileges” before? If not, this is as good a time as any. 

As a woman …

1. I have a much lower chance of being murdered than a man.

But a much higher chance of being murdered by an intimate partner, making you not safe in your own home. Also, the majority of murderers are men. 

2. I have a much lower chance of being driven to successfully commit suicide than a man.

This is disingenuous. Men aren’t being driven to suicide more successfully, they actually just happen to be more successful when they attempt. This sentence makes it seem as though more men are driven to suicide, when in fact more women attempt. The fact that men are more successful is generally attributed to the fact that they employ more effective methods, such as the use of guns or other weapons. Now, you may be able to say that the socialization that leads to men using these methods is a problem, and that I’d agree with. But let’s not pretend as though men are offin’ themselves right and left because of some matriarchy or something.

3. I have a lower chance of being a victim of a violent assault than a man.

Is sexual assault included in this? By conservative estimates, at least 1 out of every 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Also, women are still more often victimized by someone they know, making them less safe in their personal lives, and men are more likely to be victimized by strangers (again, mostly men).

4. I have probably been taught that it is acceptable to cry.

Sure. But what social power does crying get us? Hillary Clinton was accused of crying during her campaign trail and it was a big fuckin’ deal. It showed she couldn’t handle the big time political arena, according to lots of folks. So female willingness to show emotion still keeps them out of arenas of power, even if it is considered “ok” in other settings. Besides, feminists are the ones who continuously say that it is ok for men to learn emotional language and expression, so MRAs holding this up as some kind of “privilege” or “checkmate, feminists” is counter-intuitive.

5. I will probably live longer than the average man.

Um, ok. Is the implied argument here because women’s health is taken care of so much better than men’s? Because um, need I bring up the fact that original research on heart disease was done only on men? And now it’s come to light that women’s heart disease can manifest differently? Oh, and that said heart disease is the number one killer of women?

6. Most people in society probably will not see my overall worthiness as a person being exclusively tied to how high up in the hierarchy I rise.

Wait, so no greatness is expected of women, and this is a privilege?

7. I have a much better chance of being considered to be a worthy mate for someone, even if I’m unemployed with little money, than a man.

Because women’s labor is mostly unpaid and has been historically. Essentially the value in the match is that the man is getting a free maid, baby machine, sex partner, cook, etc. Or perhaps the woman is particularly adherent to social beauty standards, and therein lies the value (i.e. a trophy wife, which, to maintain that standard of beauty actually take quite a bit of work). 

8. I am given much greater latitude to form close, intimate friendships than a man is.

How are we talking here? I mean, there are plenty of famous friendships that men have had throughout the ages. I mean, sure, maybe guys are socialized into minimal physical contact and not using emotional language, etc. but that doesn’t mean that men are encouraged not to have friends.

9. My chance of suffering a work-related injury or illness is significantly lower than a man’s.

This and the next are just about the only one on this list that has any sort of validity. Although, this is more of a class issue than a gender issue. It just so happens that women in general are not valued for their physical labor (in the sense of lifting heavy things, construction work, etc.) and as such are not considered worthy of these (higher paying) jobs.  But the danger comes from those who are higher above the menial workers in these positions not adhering to safety requirements or trying to make sure those safety requirements don’t exist in the first place. 

10. My chance of being killed on the job is a tiny fraction of a man’s.

11. If I shy away from fights, it is unlikely that this will damage my standing in my peer group or call into question my worthiness as a sex partner.

So, men can’t show feminine qualities because of what other men will think (largely, since this is what status is generally determined by). Why is this a female privilege again?

12. I am not generally expected to be capable of violence. If I lack this capacity, this will generally not be seen as a damning personal deficiency.

Um, what? Maybe not “damning”, but it’s certainly seen as a deficiency. Women are not strong because they are seen as not violent. Women cannot fight. Women cannot defend themselves. Women are helpless. This attitude has historically kept women in places of subservience, not only because it is common social attitude but because it is internalized. So, even if women break from that, they’re told they cannot. This is patriarchal gender roles at work, and it’s something feminists are trying to break from.

13. If I was born in North America since WWII, I can be almost certain that my genitals were not mutilated soon after birth, without anesthesia.

And women grow up hating everything else about their bodies. Oh, and they also end up getting plastic surgery on their genitals. So baby boys are mutilated before they really know what’s going on. Women are made to be complicit in what can be considered their own mutilation, and they pay for the privilege. 

I’m not saying that women getting plastic surgery is always a mutilation. But what I think is a mutilation is the distorted bodily images that are thrown at women every day with little to no deviation. If we had more deviation and women still chose plastic surgery, that would be much better.

14. If I attempt to hug a friend in joy, it’s much less likely that my friend will wonder about my sexuality or pull away in unease.

Heterosexism issues. This also happens with women, depending on the person.

15. If I seek a hug in solace from a close friend, I’ll have much less concern about how my friend will interpret the gesture or whether my worthiness as a member of my gender will be called into question.

Heterosexism, again.

16. I generally am not compelled by the rules of my sex to wear emotional armor in interactions with most people.

Oh you know, only if you want to be taken seriously in political or business arenas.

17. I am frequently the emotional center of my family.

But not the power figure.

18. I am allowed to wear clothes that signify ‘vulnerability’, ‘playful openness’, and ’softness’.

And then if you do, you get blamed for any sexual advance or assault that anyone chooses to commit.

19. I am allowed to BE vulnerable, playful, and soft without calling my worthiness as a human being into question.

You know, I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to notice, but essentially every time this list says that the man’s “worthiness as a human being” is called into question, what they’re really saying is that the man will be called a “sissy” or will be likened to a woman. I think that’s telling on a “female privilege checklist”.

20. If I interact with other people’s children — particularly people I don’t know very well — I do not have to worry much about the interaction being misinterpreted.

Mostly because men aren’t expected to know about children, want anything to do with children, etc. This is why they’re much more accepted into the public sphere. There’s very little social power that comes with interacting with children, mostly because children are by and large undervalued despite what a lot of the hoopla regarding kids in our society might imply.

21. If I have trouble accommodating to some aspects of gender demands, I have a much greater chance than a man does of having a sympathetic audience to discuss the unreasonableness of the demand, and a much lower chance that this failure to accommodate will be seen as signifying my fundamental inadequacy as a member of my gender.

Mostly because patriarchy and male privilege relies on complicity among men. That’s also why there’s such heavy policing of gender roles.

22. I am less likely to be shamed for being sexually inactive than a man.

No, in fact a woman’s entire value is placed on her sexuality, and she is lauded for remaining “pure” and shamed for making conscious sexual choices. Golly, what a privilege. I’m so sorry someone likens a man to a woman if he chooses not to have sex. Poor, poor men.

23. From my late teens through menopause, for most levels of sexual attractiveness, it is easier for me to find a sex partner at my attractiveness level than it is for a man.

“At my attractiveness level”? Let me get this straight, dudes don’t get access to the gals they think are hottest, and they think women do, so this is a female privilege? I also like how they don’t take into account the work that women have to put into beauty ideals in order to attract those men.

24. My role in my child’s life is generally seen as more important than the child’s father’s role.

This is not true. There are very few people bemoaning the lack of mothers in the lives of children, or few people examining what the lack of motherhood does to children. Oh wait, could that be because men more often don’t partake in parenting and thus leave it up to the mother? Again, what a privilege!

Ok. So there’s a debunking of the “female privilege checklist”. Merry Christmas folks. 

(via iwillbeathousandthings-deactiva)